Garfield

Well anybody who went to primary school with me will know of my love for Garfield. How cool is he? I still read it every day. But I have some slightly disturbing news; they are making a live-action filum version. As if they could beat our animated fave Garfield On The Town.
Playing Garfy's owner Jon Arbuckle is Breckin Meyer, and playing Liz the vet is Jennifer Love Hewitt. Now I love me some Love, and Breckin is cool (despite 54 ... actually, has he ever had a hit movie? And don't say Clueless, that movie sucked), but they are not Jon and Liz.
If I were casting (and why aren't I?) Jon would be played by Judge Reinhold, Liz by Jeneane Garofalo, and Garfield would be voiced by Bill Murray. Hey, they're not young 'n' hip, but they are those characters.
Meanwhile, apparently Garfield will be CGI, while Odie and Nermal will be real animals. WHY would you do that?
Anyway, despite the fact that this film sounds like a complete disaster, Jim Davis, Garfield's creator is all in favour of it. "The movie is going to be classic Garfield," he says, "and it's FUNNY!"
We'll see.

Nola!
I hate Britney, so I was delighted to hear her New York eatery Nyla, which closed down some time ago, has left behind over US$400,000 in debts. A boring story you might think, but I just wanted to share that I had dinner there last year. And it wasn't very good. But they had "Southern Sushi" or something just as ridiculous. I had the Nyla burger. It was a bit 'puh'.

Today's stories ...
Suck.
What's your point?

Rusty's wedding diet tips

Well, everybody is talking about Rusty's wedding. I don't know why I shouldn't!
I loved on Ten News yesterday when Ron apologised for the delay between questions and answers with his interview with Angela Bishop ("Live in Nana Glen") - which was clearly because it was pre-taped so that questions from each capital city's newsreader could be dropped in, and so Ange could attend the wedding. She even said her camera man was in the chapel, "as we speak", shooting the wedding. Wow, the same camera man filming your "live" link? Ha! We all know they were both in the chapel at that very moment. Rusty loves Ange. And I kinda do too.
Ever wondered how Rusty managed to lose so much weight for the big day? I've been reliably informed that he followed the Master Cleanser diet, in which you consume nothing but a strange syrup drink for a month. I do not recommend it, by the way. I mean, life without Dr Pepper and Croissants is not life.
While Rusty did lose the weight, he did not lose the very bad long pony tail he has been sporting for his filum Master & Commander. For God's sake, he could have cut it off for his wedding and just worn a wig if there were re-shoots. Or maybe he was going for an odd French aristocratic look. Well, I don't approve (well who asked you to?).
Danielle Spencer, from the awesome Pacific Drive, also turned up. It turns out she was the bride. I (secretly) don't mind her album. Sorry indy haters. (She must get points for starring is soaps, though, right?)

Kylie haters list
Crystal agrees with me on the Kylie haters list, and I agree with her on the good songs. Except I did prefer her second list.
I am most worried about Michael. "Bittersweet Goodbye" is better than anything on "Fever"? That is bizarre. Every single song on "Fever" (except, perhaps, "Fragile") is better than that song. He probably likes "Please Stay" too. I think it should be called "Please Stay Awake". But Crystal doesn't like "Under The Influence Of Love"? That's my favourite song on the album. Sorry, but it is!

Bold madness!

Did you see today's The Bold & The Beautiful? Macy and Thorne met up ... and Winsor Harmon (who plays Thorne #3) has never acted so hard in his life. I was jumping around with excitement ... there is nothing as awesome as a character coming back from the dead in a soap. It was awesome with Harold, it will be awesome with Angie ...

Dick & Madge
I am doing really badly as far not talking about Madge goes. But last night's Dick Wilkins' special was a joke. As usual, I found her facinating, and as usual he sucked. He asked the same old questions we could have heard on E.T.. If you're doing an interview for Australia, the least you can do is ask some specifics for the country. Like, Madonna recently worked with Aussie playwrite David Williamson, what did she think of him? Has she heard The Androids song "Do It With Madonna" (which they played over the credits)? These are questions nobody else would ask that I would like to know the answers to. Dick did, at least, ask the stock favourite of if she would tour here, and she gave her stock answer - "hopefully, I had so much fun there, etc." - that may as well have been "no". Dick, you're a dick.

"Erotica" admission
I will hold off the "Erotica" slagging for Crystal's sake. As I told her, there was in fact a six month period in 1992 where the only albums I listened to were "Erotica", "Diamonds and Pearls" by Prince and The New Power Generation and "HepFedelity" by Diesel. How good was my taste?

Wish me luck ...
I am in the running for an exciting new job ... cross your fingers for me. If it all works out I will be working with one of my idols. If it doesn't ... I will lie. Ha!

Copy cat/dirty rat/etc.

I know I said I wouldn't mention her again, but I just had to point out the fact that Madge had copied Kylie again (Ever noticed that the "Don't Tell Me" video = "Never Too Late" video 12 years later?).
This time she is looking all Che Guevara on the "American Life" single cover. Kylie did that last year. And Che was passe then.
I hate that it's so cool to have him on your t-shirt and nobody even knows who he is. It's like when Human Nature wore Carlos The Jackall t-shirts. Just embarrassing.

New reason not to like Wil Anderson
He wants to marry Rose Byrne. My fiancee.

Top 5 songs that only Non-Kylie fans like
Have you ever noticed there are some Kylie songs that fans shrug their shoulders at, but all the player-hater-Kylie-fakers like? Well, my friend Carolyn (a Kylie freak herself) totally agrees with me. When I say only Non-Kylie fans like them, I'm over-exaggerating for effect, but this is my list of those songs:
1. "Step Back In Time" - The weakest single from "Rhythm Of Love", and one of the first that had Kylie haters saying, "I don't like Kylie, but ...". If anybody tells you this is their fave Kylie song, back away very slowly. Not helped by the lines 'remember the old days/remember the OJs'.
2. "Confide In Me" - This song I like on/off days. But people were all like, "Oh, Kylie's cool now!" when it came out. Whatever. The "Master Mix" rules.
3. "Did It Again" - I didn't like this one much when it first came out - but radio loved it despite the fact they'd barely played her previously. My biggest problem was when Kylie said it was a return to her "dance roots" when it clearly wasn't. You can't fault the video. It RULES.
4. "Where The Wild Roses Grow" - When this song came out I had friends who had always hated Kylie telling me how much they loved her. I mean, of all the people to be cool-by-association-with, Nick Cave? Puh-lease. This track was a novelty hit at best.
5. "Spinning Around" - I actually really like this song, but it is included because it's one of those songs that has the Non-Kylie fans rushing for the dance floor, and was probably the one that finally buried the validity of being a Kylie hater once and for all.

Cheese Chartbusters
Every week I will endevour to give you the 411 on the new ARIA chart ... etc., etc. ...
1 "IN DA CLUB" 50 Cent
Well, we knew it would happen. And now it has. Why did it take so long? I hope this isn't one of those songs that is #1 for a million years. It will be, won't it?
2 "ALL THE THINGS SHE SAID" t.A.T.u.
Yawn. Everybody knows the best Russian song ever was "Moscow" by Ghengis Khan. And I'm pretty sure that was because they weren't really Russian.
3 "LOST WITHOUT YOU" Delta Goodrem
The good news: Delt's album "Innocent Eyes" is still #1. Other good news: She's still my bestest popstar friend.
Song on her album most likely to be about Blair: "My Big Mistake". But, hang on, if anybody was to blame there it was Blair. That's all I have to say. Still 'How could something so magic/magic/become something so tragic/tragic' is hours of fun to sing along to.
4 "NU FLOW" Big Brovaz
Do I really have to think of something to say about this song every week?
5 "ALL I HAVE" Jennifer Lopez featuring LL Cool J
The longer this song hangs around, the worse LL looks by being associated with Jenny How-Low. Still, he doesn't have it as bad as poor Benny from the block.
6 "BUMP, BUMP, BUMP" B2K featuring P. Diddy
Still can't work out what B2K stands for. Still too lazy to look it up.
7 "YOU PROMISED ME (TU ES FOUTU)" In-Grid
Last week I commented that this was the kind of song 2DayFM play too much. The next day I realised it was the song they're using on their TV ads! Idiots.
8 "MESMERIZE" Ja Rule featuring Ashanti
How did this get into the top 10? Hasn't everyone read what I revealed she's saying?
Anyhow, Ja has done an hilarious dis of Eminem and 50 Cent in his new song.
'Em you claim your mothas a crackhead/And Kim is a known slut/ So what' s Hailie gone be when she grows up?'
Man, he's gonna get killed. If not literally, then when Em releases his next single.
9 "BIG YELLOW TAXI" Counting Crows featuring Vanessa Carlton
It's time for a big yellow taxi to take them away, frankly.
10 "SING FOR THE MOMENT" Eminem
Dear Marshall,
I know you were upset when I said this was your worst song ever. But it still is.
Love Scott
Honorable mentions:
11 (new entry) "GET THE MUSIC ON" Sophie Monk
I don't hate this song ... yet. But I do hate the orchestral loop they use. You want to blow it up by the end of the song.
15 "I BEGIN TO WONDER" Dannii Minogue
GETTING VERY ANGRY NOW. How can this song not be Top 10, prithee? It's just not good enough.
24 (new entry) "ACROSS THE NIGHT" Silverchair
This song isn't their greatest. But the video does feature Guy Pearce. And that's always good. Say, remember when he tried to be a popstar? Hee. I laugh. How is it nobody mentions that now?