Captain Cheese

Sunday, May 04, 2003

Big Brother Website High-Light:

3-May-2003/22:49: Round house: Leah notices that one of her nipples is erect.

Joe blows

Today I watched the rather bizarre filum called Joe's Apartment starring Jerry O'Connell and featuring Pepa from Salt 'n' Pepa and a before-he-was-famous cameo from Moby. Anyway, the movie is about singing cockroaches and all I could think of is how many drugs the writer must have been on when he came up with it. Then I thought it would probably have been more enjoyable had I been on drugs too. In fact I have now made this my new policy. For instance, when watching Alice In Wonderland next, I will snort copious amounts of cocaine a la Lewis Carroll when he wrote it, and when watching The West Wing, I will munch 'shrooms, just like Aaron Sorkin.
It's a fun game that you too can play at home! Make sure to include the kids and pets!

Justin Manson
JT has teamed up with the over-rated (but not bad) Black Eyed Peas for their new single "Where Is The Love?" Now he will be taking them on tour with him and Christina. If that tour comes to Australia I will literally wet my pants and scream like a girl. Probably at the same time. Possibly while running through Martin Place.
Funniest JT story of the week? Well, it seems Justin went to a fetish show with his mother (honestly, they have a creepy relationship that kinda icks me - sorry Just, but it does), which was being 'performed' by none-other-than Marilyn Manson's creepy girlfriend, fetish "artist", Dita Von Teese. When Marilyn saw JT he struck up a conversation with him and his mother and made some "vulgar" comments, because, he explains, "earlier that day I had watched a sexual education documentary for retarded people." Er, okay.
But MM later felt guilty for his outburst. "I saw Justin again on New Year's Eve at the Osbournes'," he says. "And I said, 'I want to apologise for saying that in front of your mother, I feel a little bad even though I am Marilyn Manson. But I really like your new video because you seem like a depraved stalker, and I think that's very attractive. And I don't mean that in a gay way.' And he said 'thank you', and I said, 'Can I just tell you one thing? The part of the song where you say 'drums', you should have said 'tits'!"
Oh Manson!

Delta Corner
My bestest popstar friend was in Sydney this weekend shooting her new video. It's for "Innocent Eyes" ... the one that starts 'do you remember/when you were seven/and the only thing that you wanted to do/is show your mum that you can play the piano'. Hmmm. Nice ... but a single? What about "My Big Mistake"? That song is fun! .... in a sad way ...

Song Of The Day
Sinead O'Connor's "No Man's Woman"

Today's Political Rants ...
Sorry kids, there's no pop fun here ... but you'll read it if you know what's good for you ...
* What's the deal with the Govenor General still being in the job? Now that an enquiry has shown that "Dr" Hollingway (he is actually only an honourary doctor, which most people don't use as a title) acted "inappropriately" by shuffling vicars he knew were paedophiles to other areas after complaints arose, he should leave the job immediatley. Or be shot.
I would just like to thank Queensland Premier Peter Beattie for holding the Inquiry Into Past Handling of Complaints of Sexual Abuse in the Anglican Church Diocese of Brisbane in the first place, because John Howard refused. And he has been v quiet on getting rid of the GG all along.
John Howard is enabling an enabler to head the country. What does that say about us? Should we send a shout out to paedos across the water to move here? "Don't worry, the Govenor General turns a blind eye, so we will too!" Gee, I think that's sending a great message. I'm so proud of my country and our leader(s).
Plenty of speculators are saying that they don't think John-John will speak out against the GG. For some reason he seems to think that would be an admission of guilt on his part. I don't believe - and I hope I'm not being naive - that John knew the good Dr was a paedo enabler when he appointed him, and why anybody would I don't know. But now we do know, it is his duty to give him the sack. And if he finds time he should also have him removed from his position.
And then he should fire him.
Nobody seems to want Dr H to hold the nation's highest post, and yet I have a feeling nothing will be done ... again. Although, I suppose the fact that he will go to Hell is enough for Hell believers. Of which one presumes he is one.
* NOT happy about the Medicare changes. Apparently $1billion will be taken from the hospitals budget to prop up GP payments. They're also spending $21million on an ad campaign (aka "propaganda") to "teach" us that paying for the Dr that used to be free is good for us. I'm 100% in favour of free health care. If you want to pay for the Dr of your choice, tops, but not everybody can and having a sick country riddled with TB, whooping cough and SARS doesn't sound like a great idea to me. It's the fact that people can go for a free check-up/screening that keeps a lot of these things at bay. Even Mother Thatcher (whom John-John prays to nightly before sleepy time) didn't remove the National Health Service during her regime. I mean, when Bill Clinton got into office they had people come here on fact-finding missions to see how they could fix their utterly crap American health "system" (ie: no system at all). And now we're getting rid of it? Why should we have to pay for the doctor when we pay a Medicare levy, possibly private health care, as well as tax? That's four payments (depending on your bracket)?
* Finally, it's so nice to see that sending us to the war has paid off for John-John. He got to have a sleep-over with George W. - he even got enough happy snaps to fill up two of his "Me and the US President" photo albums! Plus he got a mug with his face on it - alongside the other "allies". Wow, as long as we're not trivialising the killing of the innocent.
Best of all, now W says he will try to push a Free Trade Agreement through congress by the end of the year. So we can sell our beef and wheat to the biggest producers of those exact things (ice to eskimos anyone?). Meanwhile, this may mean an end to local content quotas on TV - which are vital to our industry and cultural identity - because under Free Trade, the US farmers can't undercut our farmers by using tarrifs, and, in theory, US TV can't be undercut by ours by us using quotas.
You might be laughing at those inane Seinfeld reruns now, but just wait until TEN plays them three times a day ... like they already seem to with The Simpsons.
* While I'm here, Simon Crean, nobody likes you (possibly not even your children). Run like the wind!

I'm sorry. Thank you ... I won't do this again for a while.