Cheese Bag
My comments on the not-very-good Australian Idol finalists caused a virtual avalanche of e-mails.
Here is one such example:

Dear Captain,
You know why they won???? It's because the entire nation was watching The Block - when it ended, they switched over and they only got to see the last two performances. Being "Block"-heads, of course they had to vote and that's why the last two won. Don't you agree?? CONSPIRACY!!!
Carolyn
PS: I would like to make an important note that the worst thing was that Axel didn't get through. He wore fun sneakers. We need more Axels in the music world.

Dear Carolyn,
I actually think you are completely right. Damn that ex-stripper Jamie Durie and his no-good DIY ways! Damn them to Hell!
PS: While good shoes are undoubtedly part of being a popstar, he did sing a Sting song at his audition and that is inexcusable. Especially if you are Sting.*

* Except "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic". That song is fun. And has the other Police there to dilute the Stingness.

Question time for Q-Tip

Nic gives Q-Tip her gangsta style come-hither look

Q-Tip has admitted he did have a relationship with Nicole Kidman, as was rumoured a few months ago. In an interview with a US radio show, the over-rated rapster was particularly honest when asked if he had "been intimate" with Nic.
"Yes, I have been," he said.
He said that while they are no longer together, they are still friends.
What a bizarre couple they would have made.
I believe him. I also believe Fred Durst, but that's another story.

Cheese Box
I would just like to say that I am sick of the bizarre culture in Australia that says that famous people who commit white collar crime shouldn't be jailed.
Pauline Hanson broke the law, she is in jail. As it should be.
I can't wait for Renee Rivkin to join her.
The only policy One Nation seemed to have was "everybody we don't like should be in prison". Well, it's working and now she's in jail.
Do you think if I commited fraud to start my own political party and syphoned off hundreds of thousands of dollars in my bank account anybody would be crying for me when I got locked up?
Noooo.
I think there is a very fair argument that jailing policies should be reviewed, that drug addicts are clogging up the system needlessly, and the like, but until that happens, she can rot in jail, the miserable old cow.
I mean at least she broke the law, unlike the kiddie refugees in detention centres.

The Wisdom Of Rob Sitch

Rob Sitch, "star" of TV's The Panel loves to share his theories with the viewers every week. Unlike his inexplicable questions to guests, I've discovered his theories make quite a lot of sense.
Theory 1: You can commentate anything
So true. I have been commentating his performance on a weekly basis.
Listen to the highlights from my comments on Rob tonight:
"Moron!", "Knob!", "Idiot!", "Fuckwit!"
Theory 2: You have to start young to be good at something
Well, Rob was quite old when he started whatever he does, wasn't he?

Pauline Hanson is in jail!
How delightful!

PS: If ever there was a time for a new series of Prisoner, it's now. Imagine "Paulie" up against The Freak or Vinegar Tits! You'd pay, wouldn't you?

Wilson Tuckey
It wasn't his using his position to try and get his son out of a car fine that shocked me, it was that he is still alive.

A.I. : Artificial Idol
Ya'll know I love Australian Idol, but just what are the voters playing at, prithee?
The first week we got Daniel Wakefield (whom I approve of) and Pete The Pig Farmer (um, yeah). This week we got Daniel-clone Matt Chadwick (you know how the cloning process waters down the initial subject?) and first female Kelly Cavuoto (whose performance was ... interesting).
It's all looking a bit male (yes, Kelly, you too). It's all looking a bit aryan. There are several blonde-haired-blue-eyed boys to go (hello Brandon Burns!), and I'm afraid it's going to be tick! tick! tick! to all of them. How sad.
Destroying my argument somewhat, is Ryan Sheppard who is up next week.

[The Sheppster]
Sort of blonde-haired, and possibly blue-eyed, he's the one who sang *NSYNC's "It's Gonna Be Me" at his audition, which for me makes him second only to Cle (star of Ship To Shore). So please vote for him.
It's a tough week this time too (Anthony "Just say you're proud of me, dad!" Simbatti and Jennifer "Mini-Me" Pearl), which sucks because all of the people last week were crap. Surely they could have pulled a switcheroo on a few contestants to even it up a bit?
Coming soon to a post sometime in the future: All about Robert Mills (who must go through) and Brielle Davis (who maybe should as a fun car crash contestant).

Funnest thing of the day ...
I went to Woolworths today, as I'm want to do, and guess what they were playing on 'Woolworths Radio'? "Young Guns (Go For It!)" by Wham!!
As you can imagine, I was overjoyed, and as I was night shopping, I quite happily sang and danced around their bakery.
The people packing shelves looked up in an unimpressed fashion, and it was just at the bit I was singing, "Tell that jerk to take a hike/There's something 'bout that boy I don't like" ... it was awesome!

SHOCK! of the day

I was casually perusing "art" magazine Black & White today, and who should I find, starkers in a dingy hotel room? Lori from Neighbours!
Michelle Ang, who plays Lori is all nuded up, and, it's safe to say I like her more than ever before.
In the accompanying interview - there are words too! - she also explains why she foolishly left Ramsay St. Her contract was for only 9 months, so at the end of it she decided to leave and finish uni. I love it when people do stuff like this and bewilder the show's producers.
The GREAT news is, that she will return to the show next year when she has finished uni. No doubt Grundy's realised how popular she was (she got a Logie nomination after only a few months on air) and hopefully they will give her a huge pay rise.

Bennifer
I'm so sick of Bennifer. Even though B-Af "allegedly" got bizzy with some strippers J-Ho is still going to marry him, but she's going to make darn sure he's miserable and that they still get the cover of Us Weekly.
Oh yes.

Here they are at his 31st birthday.
She looks like she's about to kill someone, and he looks like he's been on the turps for three days straight.
Oh yeah, I forgot he doesn't drink.
*cough*

Burtney Burn

Even though I hate Burtney, this is just too filthydelicious to ignore. She has hooked up with Jared Leto - Cameron Diaz's ex fiancee - while Cam is with Justin.
I mean, when I say hooked up, I don't know exactly what they're doing, but the fact that they're even together somewhere is bizarre.
I don't know what kind of message she's trying to send to Justin, but I think it's actually saying, "Look at me Justin! I'm a desperate hobag!"
I wish Burtney would just get over herself and move back to Hicksville and open a tanning salon.

Neighbours reunite for duet (sadly no Jase)
Rumour has is Kylie and Rusty Crowe have been asked to perform together at the Rugby World Cup. This would be awful and hilarious, but will also prevent anybody from saying Kylie can't sing ever again.
The Sun says: "Kylie and Russell are trying to come up with a tune but so far they haven’t had much luck. Russell joked they should perform her cheesy hit 'Especially For You' - but she didn’t find it that funny."
I say: "What a funny quote ... that you clearly made up."

Cherrrrryyyyyy bayyybayyyyy

On Sunday I managed to track down some Cherry Coke. This was one of the most exciting days ever. Really. If you were there you'd know.
Anyhow, it does taste different to US Cherry Coke, a little more like cherry, a little less sweet, but it doesn't actually have any cherry juice in it. That was all a big lie. Also, it must be consumed REALLY cold. That's the trick.

Pizza
Dear somebody at Dominoes or Pizza Hut,
Please send me some free pizza, because I am hungry.
Love Scott