KO's blonde ambition / Sharon's KO

I was going to put this pic of Kelly Osbourne's blonde mohawk up the other day, but I lost interest. Now it seems the people demand it, so here it is.
Yay Kelly!
I'm sure she'll have changed it by tomorrow.
Meanwhile, did you hear that some woman punched Sharon in the face? Justin said that if she needed a bodyguard, he'd do it. Bless 'im.

Joey Joe is in da house

Joey McIntyre was my fave New Kid. Then Donnie. I have Joey's albums, yes. Do I like them? Hmmmm ....
I never liked Mark Owen much, though I did kinda like his album. Robbie was my fave (as we all should know).
I didn't have a fave in Boyzone, because they were shite. But Steven would clearly be better than Mickey, Shane or Keith. Actually Keith is on Corrie now, isn't he? That's kinda cool. I don't have Steven's album. Puh-loise!
Scott was the best in Five. I like Abs now, but not so much at the time. He used to be a real prick. J is a midget moron (who now has an afro - ha!) and Sean looks like a peanut. Ritchie isn't worth mentioning. Oops.
PS: Scott & Ritchie wrote "Two Side To Every Story". One of my all-time faves, btw.
PPS: Five rule.

btw 2
... Solange is possibly the most horrible thing I have ever heard/seen. You know how in Twins Danny Divito is the "left overs" from Arnie who was the "super baby"? Ladies and gentlemen, meet Solange Knowles ...
But she did write and produce some tracks on Kelly's album ... so Kel has one bad thing about her ...

Welcome to Kellyville

I have to say that I am so happy that Kelly Rowland is doing far better than her Destiny's Child counterpart Beyonce Knowles. I have nothing against Beyonce, but she had gotten all arrogant and her pyscho-star-dad/DC manager had everything organised so that his daughter would be a star and the other two DCers would just disappear into the background. But then something odd happened. Beyonce released a very crap single called "Work It Out". Nobody bought it.
Kelly teamed up with Nelly and released one of the bestest hip-hop lite collaborations of all time called "Dilemma". Everybody bought it.
Then Beyonce teamed up with Jay-Z for a lame rip-off of 2pac's "Me and My Girlfriend" and Eminem's "Bonnie and Clyde '97" and called it "Bonnie and Clyde '03". Some people bought it.
Then Kelly released the excellent "Stole" and people kinda thought, "Hey, she has bad hair, but she's just as good as Beyonce because she actually does good songs!"
And Sony went, "Hold Beyonce's album, Kelly's where the money's at!"
So Beyonce went, "I need a sure-fire hit, why don't I rip-off that 'In Da Club' song everybody likes." And it was good.
And 50 Cent said, "I don't think so, Homey don't play that." So nobody ever heard it.
And Kelly released the ace "Can't Nobody".
And Beyonce said, "Hey, this break has been fun, but who wants to reform Destiny's Child now?"

Cheese Bag
Dear Scott,
Yesterday you said you don't know any celebs and always lie that you do. So how come there is a photo of Delta Goodrem and someone I presume is you?
Meagen, NSW

Dear Meagen,
Well, I'm glad I had you fooled. As we all know, the world is a dangerous place, so taking a leaf out of Saddam Huissen's book I have hired a team of look-a-likes who shamelessly flaunt their celebrity connections and lead everybody to believe they are me, thusly saving me from possibly-violent player-haters.
Let me illustrate the point by showing you this pic of one of my decoys with the lovely Delta.

As you can see, this person is clearly not me. My hair is way better than that, and I have a goatee. So this faker isn't even doing his job very well.
Sorry about the confusion.
Love Scott

Pam Sandwich

Crazy ol' Pamela Anderson (star of Baywatch, VIP and some hilarious pornos co-starring Tommy Lee and Brett Michaelson respectively), has decided to wear a bikini made of nothing but lettuce in a new campaign for PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) in the UK.
This is excellent, because lettuce is clearly the most under-appreciated vegetable of all. Where would the world be with out it? Salad would just be pointless. Big Macs would be less Mac-a-licious.
PETA are against McDonald's?
What the Hell do they know?

Return of the Cack
People are all up in my face about the fact that I haven't updated my site for almost a week. Whatever. Maybe I am bored with this site. Maybe I have joined the military. Maybe I'm a compulsive liar.
You'll never know.

...speaking of...

That made me sing 1927's fab "You'll Never Know". I love 1927. They had so many brilliant songs, like "That's When I Think Of You" and "If I Could" and "Scars" and "It Ain't Love". If you don't have their "best of", then do yourself a favour. When I put it on, it's 1989 again for me. My bro and I went to see their reunion tour a few years ago and it ruled. I met Eric Weideman (ie: lead singer). He was mobbed by fat girls with crimped hair that made him talk to their friends (all of whom were named Stacey) on their mobiles.

We're The Guys Next Door/
The Surprise Next Door/
Woah-oh

[l-r: Patrick, Bobby, Damon, Chris and Eddie]
The Guys Next Door are my fave ever TV boyband. And nobody outside my family appears to have ever heard of them. Nevertheless I have spent a lot of time lately listening to their brilliant self-titled-debut-album. Especially "Dance All Night". When I get a chance I will teach you more that you NEED to know about GND.
So maybe never.

Cheese Chartbusters
Okay, the big news? The Cheese Chart gets it's own page now. So exciting. I plan on having seperate pages for different sections when I get more time.
But at least we have this.
You know, when you have to write about the chart every week you realise how crappy it really is. I mean, it's seriously depressing.
So go read it already.

Cheese Bag (nee Dear Scott)
Dear Scott,
I am never sure if you are telling the truth or making things up. Do you really know any celebrities or are you joking?
Meagen, NSW

Dear Meagen,
I'm actually just making the whole thing up for attention. I'm sorry about that. I don't know any celebs at all. But thanks for taking such an interest in my shameless lies.
Scott