bb update
It appears Jamie will be next out of the house (if his 50% on the website poll is anything to go by). It serves him right for being a bitch this week, but it is VERY BAD because Vincent will get to stay longer. And I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Vincent.
Please people, just phone 1902 555 566 or SMS 'Vincent' to 188 1010 now. or I'll never speak to any of you again.

Excuse me, while I kiss the SKY!!!

I told you last week that Jason Donovan's half-sister Stephanie Mcintosh is joining the cast of Neighbours, well the BEST news is that she will play Harold's granddaughter Sky Mangel (daughter of the dearly departed Kerry Bishop). This is EXCELLENT news!!! Finally Harold will have a kiddy living with him who is actually related to him. What a big breakthrough. And hopefully she will be a crazy rebel just like her mum.
Meanwhile, over in Summer Bay, another blast from the past with the return of Christopher (now "Chris") Fletcher for Sally's wedding. Despite the fact he should be just 14, Chris is at least 16 (maybe 22) and instead of blonde, he's got brown hair and big eyebrows. And he's maybe gay. We know because Pippa not-very-subtley announced to Irene that he has "a few problems with his sexuality". And Nick could tell because Chris told Kirsty she was wearing a nice top and he had three showers in one day. And the mental boy (aka Mikey) told him he was "different". Hmmmm. You know when soaps try to be politically correct and just ... very aren't?

Invasion Of The Secret Christian Bands!

I am so sick of Christian bands who pretend they're not, and trick people into buying their bland inoffensive rock without letting it be known that rather than singing about tawdry sex or discotheques, they're actually spreading the word of Jeebus.
YES, I'm talking to you Creed, P.O.D, Lifehouse and, most recently Evanescence.
Not only are Evanescence annoying, not only do they have a stupid name, not only does their song "Bring Me To Life" suck, but they are also secretly singing about God.
If I was less lazy I would look up the lyrics and prove this to you, but instead I will instruct you to listen to it a bit more carefully next time, and take note of the bits where that screechy woman is wailing "save me from the dark", etc. Plus, it's called "Bring Me To Life" for God's sake. I don't think it's about a defribulator.
Live, on the other hand, sing about Heaven and God and the like in their new single "Heaven", and though I think it is the world's soppiest and most boring song, at least they're not pretending it's about something else. So they're okay with me. It's not the God I object to, it's the sneakiness.

Cheese Quote O' The Week

"My Spanish is not bad, I can say a few things - well, 'hola' and how to ask for the bill."
David Beckham on communicating with the inhabitants of his soon-to-be new home country.

Westend George and Eastend Girl

[Yog and Albert Square slapper Jessie Wallace]
For his 40th Birthday George Michael's pals couldn't decide what to get him - he's kinda rich after all - so they decided to take him on a surprise trip to the set of Eastenders, his fave soap. What a brilliant idea! Next birthday can somebody secretly organise me a trip to Erinsborough or Summer Bay? Nay-sayers may say that I have already been to both places many times, and to them I will say ... shut up!
Now if only George would remember he's a popstar and release a song. I think somebody has to have a word to him about the Greek Work Ethic.

Very Crap Headlines inc. presents: R Club 1

Ex-S Clubber Rachel Stevens has announced her debut single will be called "My LA-Ex". I can't quite tell if this is the worst or best ever song title. On the one hand it sounds like an airport. On the other it isn't. On the one it's about LA. On the other hand it also is.
What a shame it couldn't have been called "My Adelaide Ex". There's no pun, but it implies someone who wears Ugh Boots. Always good!
The song was written by usual S Club scribe Cathy Dennis (where are D-Mob?).
[insert banal Rachel quote here:] "It’s a huge move but I’m looking forward to the challenge," Rach says. "It’s also quite nerve-racking, having been surrounded by my six friends for four years. But I love the new single and other material I’m working on."

Cheesey bits
*Instead of boffing old cows like Rachel Hunter, Robbie should shack up with a nice young cow like Kelly Osbourne. Even my mate Sharon agrees with me. "If I went out with Robbie it would be like every day was Christmas for Mum," says Kelly. "She loves him."
Well, hurry up then! The pair are touring the UK together next month. I expect an engagement announcement before I get bored with the idea.
* Ya'll know Vinnie is one of my favourite names ever. Well, imagine how glad I was when I heard former soccer player now "actor" (*cough*) Vinnie Jones is launching his own clothing label called Vinnie. Buy me some now!
*Rumour Mill: some tricky, sneaky people are saying that Enrique Iglesias and Anna Kournikova secrelty got married in the Caribbean earlier this month. Says Enrique's father Julio; "I’m happy about their relationship, I know they’re happy. It could be that in the future I'll have Russian grandchildren." Anna is Russian? I just thought she spoke funny. *cough*

TV Quote O' The Week
"Tell us the good news; bad news is for peasants!"
Thurston Howell III, Rescue From Gilligan's Island

Starsky & Hutch

I'm too excited about the big screen version of dodgy cop show Starsky and Hutch because it stars Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. Plus, Snoop Dogg plays their pimpin' pal Huggy Bear! PLUS: Vince Vaughn (rhymes with yawn) and Jason Bateman (Teen Wold Toooooo!) co-star!

damn it
I was right about Saxon. Everybody told me I was wrong. But I was right.
I didn't want to be right.
Did you see how boring it was tonight? Now there's just Chrissie (love!), Reggie (love!) and the allegedly funny Daniel (wake me up when he's funny again, please). And there isn't even a whole personality between Vincent, Patrick and Jamie. Zzzzzz.
Note for people with lives: I'm talking about Big Brother here, people.
Note for people with lives: If you have a life, what are you doing here?